Open Tabs #007 Warning: This Issue Contains Maximum Cuteness

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Ayyyooo—we are back after a brief hiatus. I initially started this newsletter because I enjoy curating and cultivating content for you folks but 3 times a week was…a bit overwhelming. Then I had to move so things got hectic for a minute. But the good news is I’ve still been keeping my eyes wide open and my ears close to the ground so I can deliver you the freshest, funniest, and maybe for this issue, the cutest content around.

Even better, wanted to give a big shoutout to 1440 Media for sponsoring this issue. If you like your news actually unbiased and quick to read, check them out. Supporting them supports this newsletter — and that means more tabs for all.

But enough is enough—bring on the content!

🐷 Vibe Shift: Animal Edition

The algorithm has spoken, and this week’s vibe shift is: adorable animals doing adorable things.

🔸Petunia the Pig is taking over TikTok and possibly the planet. This level of cuteness knows no bounds.

@knightk64

#petuniathepig#fyp#babypig#alltheprettygirls#animallove

If you want some more of this pint size piglet I gotchu. Here’s another one of her exploring her front yard.

🔸These bunnies have racked up over 33 million likes by simply... bouncing around like little cloud balls. The lesson here? Cuteness cooks!

@colbyirv

wholesome #fyp #nature

🔸And lastly we got this adorable lil weiner dog doing air paddles. Like come onnn?! 😭

@jrdnbart

this isn’t how I remember nintendogs but okay @Jumbo @Cami Zea

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🏈 NFL Schedule Drop Rankings (aka Peak Chronically Online Behavior)

Now that we got all that cuteness out of the way—it’s time to move onto more adult things…like the game of football! Yesterday, the NFL released their schedule for the year and it’s become a custom in the digital age for all teams to put out a schedule reveal video. Some teams mail it in, some spend tons on it, and some somehow manage to do both— cough cough Ravens 😂. But don’t worry, I watched all 32 NFL schedule release videos so you didn’t have to. While most were decent and some were fantastic, I may need a breather after watching some of the worst ones.

Here's the official Open Tabs power rankings:

Top 5

1. Titans — Prescription drug parody: Schedule-rizi. 90 seconds. Simple, concise, and hilarious. No notes.

2. Bills — Allen Iverson holds a printed schedule. That’s it. That’s the video. It’s perfect but I won’t spoil the punchline since it’s right below ya.

3. Chargers — Entire thing animated in Minecraft, packed with deep lore. Every year the Chargers always hit it out of the park. Bravo.

4. Rams — Brenda Song is now a SportsCenter anchor and she nails it. Brenda knows ball.

5. Falcons — Mario Kart 64-style with perfect throwbacks and shade. I’m biased because that’s my favorite Nintendo 64 game of all-time.

Honorable Mentions: Chiefs (Cash Cab revival), Texans (Bun B + Paul Wall = H-Town forever)

Bottom 3: Bengals (no punchline), Cowboys (golf cart content), Browns (AI snoozefest)

Basically the last three all need a new social media squad. What the heck were those?! Anyways, I kindly asked ChatGPT to put all 32 of the teams into a spreadsheet with my ratings and links to them. Even better my boomer brain managed to figure out how to turn it into a table here. Enjoy!

🎮 I’ll Always Be a Toys ‘R’ Us Kid

We're grown up now but that doesn’t mean we can’t love games with zero purpose but maximum fun.

🔸Costco is selling a giant Plinko board. I’ve never seen something I needed more from Costco. The Price is definitely RIGHT!

🔸A tube ride into a ball pit?! Uhhh, my favorite thing to do as a kid was to get lost in the ball pit—any ball pit. Burger King, a birthday party, it did not matter. I used to have visions of owning a house with a ball pit room. Well, whoever these guys are—are living the freaking dream and yes, I am jealous.

@pubity

This actually looks so much fun 😭😭😭 #RoadTo18M #Pubity (felipegsb via ViralHog)

🔸The Deslizador Cafetero, aka the Colombian jungle slide, is real. You sit. You slide. You fly. No brakes but massive freaking pillows catch you at the end. Also, the art on the slide is top notch. Go there next time you decide to be a digital nomad.
Amusement ride artistry 
Their Instagram. Go there!

🌺 LEGO Flower Stoop

There’s no real section here except for it being absolutely being imperative that I relay this masterpiece of a Manhattan stoop as well as a LEGO collection. Kristi Hemric’s now-legendary LEGO Botanicals stoop on the Upper East Side has become a full-blown viral sensation. This is your friendly reminder to stop and smell the (plastic) roses next time you make your way there.

@newyorkadventuress

This stoop in NYC is decorated in LEGO flowers! It’s located on the Upper East Side of Manhattan on 78th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue... See more

@stoopandthecity

I’m currently in Thailand 🇹🇭 so David just sent me a clip from my favorite window seat! I’d say the @LEGO stoop is a success! The faux flo... See more

Putting a bunch of cute dogs on the stoop is simply not fair. Honestly, this is far and away the cutest Open Tabs yet. You just can’t escape it!

@stoopandthecity

The little white pup in the front giving us the “look back/ baby got back” pose! I’m so obsessed with these cuties! And can we talk about ... See more

🔄 Scroll Lore: Update Corner

Some Open Tabs legends are evolving...

🔸On Company Time x Kyle Gordon just dropped a collab anthem about Myrtle Beach, and of course it’s so catchy. The prophecy continues. Seeing OCT team up with Kyle Gordon—who also puts out amazing satirical bangers, just means both are on the come up. My Aggressive Call from a few weeks about OCT becoming the next Lonely Island still holds true. More importantly, is it a banger?? Indeed it is.

@kylegordonisgreat

🚨OUT NOW🚨 Stream “Myrtle Beach” in my bio! @OCT 🤝KG #myrtlebeach #songofthesummer #summer #fortheboys #funny #funnyvideos #funnytiktok

🔸Ellie Banke, who absolutely nailed the Articulating Song on Cheryl Porter’s TikTok, got the attention of Ed Sheeran recently. Not only that but he said he wanted to sing with her next time he’s in the US!! Talk about a fast rise. Keep killing it Ellie!
Here’s her original clip of her blowing Cheryl away

🔸The Studio, which made an appearance in the first OT has swiftly become my favorite show out right now. I have since learned they only use one camera the entire episode. Incredible work! But in episode 8, it turns out the Sal Saperstein Golden Globes moment is based on real life. Adam Scott and Ike Barinholtz — who play fictional versions of themselves in the show — are actuall long-time friends IRL who moved to LA together when they were broke, hungry, and chasing the dream.
Sal letting Adam sleep on his couch? That’s not just a plot line — it’s a throwback.

📩 Outro

Appreciate you sticking around. After a quick reset, I’m committed to dropping a fresh Open Tabs every Friday — filled with weird, wonderful internet finds for the chronically curious.

See you next week. Tell a friend. Or a pig, probably Petunia. No definitely tell Petunia— she’s already an internet legend! We out!